I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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