guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
