Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
