Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
