i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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