Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
