someone get that fucking seahorse.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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