Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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