Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
