The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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