watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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