Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
