was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
