I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
