My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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