My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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