Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
