Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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