Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize