How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
