I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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