just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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