At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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