I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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