I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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