I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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