her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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