I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Pooping to opera.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
