Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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