I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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