I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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