I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
