how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
