I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
