I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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