okay pat passed out under dana's car
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
