Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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