Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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