I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
