...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize