Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
