Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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