Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
