he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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