I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
