Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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