I CAN MOONWALK!
I think my vagina is haunted
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
