I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
