We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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