You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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