Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
